The D word.

The new clinic treated us with respect and kindness and for that alone I know we are right where we need to be.  Nest steps include getting my AMH tested to see if the 4 months of DHEA helped improve my antral follicle count.  We are not too hopeful on that front because the amount of progress we would need to make is staggering and the new Doc hasn't seen anything like that happen with such low follicle counts.

I'm not sure how to talk about the Egg Donor process as my feelings on this are scattered.  One minute I'm at peace with the decision, the next I'm just as sad at the reality of our new plan.  I don't want to say I'm 100% over the loss of that special genetic link but I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't take a donor egg tomorrow if it meant a baby in 9 months.  I guess that just leaves me confused but above all I want a child more than anything right now.  We will meet with a psychologist in the next couple weeks. This I'm actually really worried about because Jeff and I disagree on how to handle the donor egg information.  Obviously people will know because this is not an anonymous blog and I'm an open book with almost everything.  The bigger topic is how this information is shared or not shared with our child.  The big debate will continue!

Then we'll make sure all blood work is up to date with the new clinic and then get access to the the donor database.  Honestly, preparing to look at a donor database seems so much easier than preparing to stimulate with hoards of drugs & needles.  The other reality is that even a beautifully thawed egg made into a perfect embyro does not necessarily mean a live birth 9 months later. So we will take one step at a time and I can now look forward to making many phone calls during my surgery recovery time next week to get more tests completed and results forwarded.  It's now the paperchase.

Happy weekend everyone - make the best of it.

fresh start = new motto

What happened to May?  I can't believe we are in the last week of May.  I did some math and I haven't worked a full week since late April and won't until Mid June.  Of course this is causing some major stress with work but this is life.  So to catch up here is what we have going on...
First consultation at the new clinic, Friday June 1
Tumor removed Wed. June 6th (taking Thurs-Monday off to re-coop)

I'm really excited to visit the new clinic. They are very well known in the southeast and have a frozen egg bank which is very appealing to me.  I also need a fresh start, I dread walking back into my "hospital clinic" and facing all those nurses and the dreaded receptionist again.  Fresh start is needed, these past 4 months of waiting & saving have been dreadful and I'm ready to start again. Let's get this show on the road.  Our plan is to get a day three ultrasound and see if my antral follicle count has gone up after all the DHEA.  If it has gone up significantly we will try IVF again, if not we will most likely move on to a frozen or fresh egg.  I think I'm prepared for both (as prepared as one can be). So hopefully another enlightening update on Friday evening.

Does your surgeon call you at home?

This is just crazy....I'm sitting home tonight watching TV and my Breast Surgeon calls me (WHAT? they do that?).  She wants the "tumor/lump" out ASAP.  We are leaving tomorrow for Austin and a fun weekend with friends and I get back Monday afternoon. So, on Tuesday I'm having my pre-opt appointment and on Wednesday the little sucker is coming out.  This is really unexpected.  I hope this isn't because it has something really wrong - she didn't say much just that she was given my file and wants it out.  I really need to learn to ask more questions but what can it help at this point, it'll be out in less than a week.  wish me luck.

off to re-pack my suitcase for Austin, TX.

heading home

Wow, what a week this as been.  After all my sight-seeing I spent time with some loves, Emma who I had not seen in 6 years and Josh, 8 years!  We hit the town hard and had such a good time, with lots of memories!  So how about some photos...

 Emma, she will be a friend for life.

 Josh, Me & Vezi!

 some dance moves i've not seen before

 Auckland, NZ

 Middle earth :)

incredible views of New Zealand

I worked today and the Victoria University in Wellington and now I'm heading out to take 4 students out to dinner.  I will need to get a good long sleep tonight as tomorrow I start my 35 hour trip home. YES, 35 hours. This includes both flying and lay-overs.  This was such an amazing trip and I loved every minute.  I'm also excited to get home and escape to Austin this weekend with Jeff for a vacation.  

In infertility news, we now have an appt with a new clinic in our area at the end of May and I'm hoping to get a second opinion and learn about their frozen egg donors.  A lot is about to happen, buckle up!

my spirit

 Representing GT @ University of New South Wales

 on a ferry to Manly Beach

 Manly Beach!

 pretty spectacular city

goodnight Sydney!

Today(friday) is my last full day in Sydney and today I see my former Aussie roommate from 2004!  We saw each other briefly in Buffalo in 2006 but it's been 6 years since we've hit the town together.  On Wednesday night I went to Bondi Beach and met up with Josh, another dear friend from my time here and he is going to be out with us tonight.  It sounds like a massive night with lots of friends!  We are hitting up the Opera Bar first and then the night is young and we will make our way around to the Rocks.  I'm so excited!!  This trip has renewed my spirit, I feel so happy and so far not homesick(of course I'm husbandsick, I always wish he was traveling with me but looking forward to our Austin trip as soon as I'm back!).  It's been a good reminder that while Im sad things have not happened for us this trip would not have been possible if IVF 1.0 had been successful.  This feels like a consolation prize and "you did good" now enjoy yourself and 2.0 will be right around the corner

So, I'm out again to explore the city and meet me lovie, Emma!  Make the most of this life, you do not get a redo. xo

Hyde Park, Sydney

This is how you recover from Jet-Lag.  You do NOT go to bed after your 22 hours of flying (which included only 4 hours of sleeping).  Trust me I've learned this the hard way in the past.  This morning took advantage of McDonalds free wi-fi (& lattes) to check in with family then bought some drinks and snacks and hit the biggest park in Sydney's City Centre, Hyde Park.  Naturally, named after Hyde Park in London.  It was a glorious day, the sun was out but the air was chilled, it was perfect.   I've been saving the 50 shades books for this trip and I finally busted them out on the flight. I'm in love. please please please pick Ryan Gosling to plan Mr. Grey when the movie goes to the big screen. PLEASE.

Tomorrow I'm off to the main event, Student Mobility Fair at UNSW!  Excited to get students interested in Georgia Tech and Atlanta!  After he full day of fair and meetings Im meeting up with a great friend whom I've not seen in 8 years.  My other lovie/bestie and former Aussie roommate when I was here in 2004 is coming in from Canberra on Friday to see me. Can't wait!!

one lovely blog!

Wow, look at me and my little blog!  We were given a One Lovely Blog Award, many many many thanks to http://eighteenyears.wordpress.com/.    We actually both have a MTHFR gene mutation which makes IF and IVF pretty stressful since there is little known and a lot misunderstood about MTHFR. Thank you again my dear!

Here’s the five-step process to follow after being given this award:

• Share who gave it to you with a link back to their blog.  done
• Write down seven random facts about yourself.
• Give this award to fifteen other bloggers.
• Let them know they’ve won.
• Pop the award on your blog.

Seven random facts about me:

1. I smell everything, nothing gets past this sniffer. It sometimes bothers my family but whatever it's  important to smell things before you eat them.  It's like a window into what about to happen.

2.  I love being alone. I'm terrified of being alone.  I get a thrill to take an international trip alone and I'm sitting now in LAX terrified. wishing my husband was with me.  riddle me this?

3.  If you would have asked me in 2004 what my career would be 8 years later, I would NEVER have thought I'd be working in higher ed/student immigration.  But I love it and I love my students. 

4.  I don't believe ivf 2.0 will work but Im doing my best to change that.

5.  I'm becoming my mother in so many ways, and there is really nothing better to aspire to. 

6.  I have some amazing sisters, seriously what do you ladies do without 3 amazing sisters.  They are all so different and I love each of them for who they are!

7.  I know all the lyrics to the Newsies! love love love that movie.

Drum roll.....

Scrambled Eggs - I pray for pip and think Belle is pretty amazing!  Also a blogger i've met IRL!

Dog Mom Chasing the Stork:  She's new here like me and i'm excited to see what is coming for her!  

FYI on Rach & Ry : Serendipity has brought us together, and we both have a heart for Buffalo, NY

For Love of Bubba: I love her. I just do.

Between the paper Sheets : She's honest and I like that.  So excited her cyst is gone, ready to see what is next for her

Eggceptionalblues:  She's cheered me on and now she's 15weeks. amazing!

I'm stopping early because my flight will be boarding soon, I hope I'm not breaking any really bad rules.  Now to let these 7 ladies now how great I think they are!....

The B word

Benign!!

The "tumor" as the doctor is calling it is benign but they weren't exactly sure what it was so I will be getting the whole thing removed in early June.

Benign spells relief, I can take off Sunday for my trip with no boobie stress and Jeff doesn't have to deliver any bad news via skype!  Happy Weekend everyone!

My Southern Cross

Sydney, AUS

Auckland, NZ

 Wellington, NZ

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK, I'm so excited!  I'm spending 4 days in Sydney.  I'll be representing my institution at the UNSW Study Abroad Fair.  Spending three days sight-seeing/shopping in Sydney.  I will be meeting up with some of my friends from previous trips. I head to Auckland for a day then a 10 hour(slow) train ride from the top of the North island through mountains, farm, coastline to the bottom right into Wellington.  I meet with my partners at Victoria University Wellington and spend a evening with students!  Back home the following day. SO EXCITED!

ouch!

On Tuesday I begged for a biopsy and they squeezed me in yesterday.  Ouch. The biopsy isn't horrible but the nurse who comes in to "stop the bleeding", ouch.  She just stands over you and pushes down on the incision. ehhhh, just thinking of it gives me goosebumps.

So, that's that. Now I wait and poor Jeff will be giving me the results via skype next week.  He's thrilled about it (haha).  Thanks for all the well wishes and prayers, I believe they all help.

In good news....My mom and oldest sister will be here today for a short visit and to keep me company until I fly out to Australia!