2012, let's roll

Just as I predicted I had another incredibly short cycle and CD 1 was the day after christmas.  I am so thankful we pushed off for one more otherwise this would have meant driving back to Atlanta on Dec 26th.  Which was never going to happen.  The exciting part is now CD 20 is Jan 14th.  I'll start Estrogen then and wait for the end of my current cycle which should be approx. Jan 20th.  So if we can move forward(no cysts & a reasonable egg count) we could be stimulating at the end of January and a retrieval for the first week of February.  I seems so weird to think there is a chance we will be pregnant in just 6-8 weeks.

Jeff and I have had many discussions on the best way to handle the emotional aspects.  I want to plan for a positive pregnancy test and a negative.  Jeff only wants to focus on the positive.  I completely understand the importance of positive thought but at the same time being prepared mentally for a unsuccessful cycle will not affect the results of a cycle.  I have a disorder, pre-mature ovarian failure, it's not mental and I do not need to relax.  For me to be the most stress-free and focused I need Plan A,B,C,D... laid out and ready.  I am a planner, I recently read something that really validated my feelings.  In the book Navigating the Land of IF Melissa Ford writes that ignoring the fire exit review in the movie theatre does not make the theatre fire-proof.  The building is and will always be flammable and therefor it's important to plan your exit in case of emergency.  The lack of planning does not make you any safer.  This is exactly how I feel about me being "cautiously optimistic"  

The truth is I would prefer if family and friends remain optimistic(and they have been which is awesome) and that way we have that support and hope.  For me, I want to be cautious.  This has a lot to do with the fact that I need to plan if there is a huge let down, I don't want to be blindsided.  I watched(from a distance) as my sister took this path and although she has the most amazing family today it was not easy and I'm just ready to see what our path will look like.  Here's to having HOPE & FAITH.