August

August 2012 may be the month we've prayed for.  I've been away for while trying to gain some peace and prepare for this month.  I know frozen egg donation is not a common protocol so I wanted to write about our decision and what it all means.

Egg donation has been around for quite some time but frozen egg banks are fairly new.  This was appealing to us because of two reasons.  There is no wait time.  We met on June 1st, transferred out medical docs, have 2 additional test updated, received password for donor database, completed selection, paid the bill, started Lupron all by July 20th.  That's FAST.

Second reason, the cost. I won't go into this in great detail but fresh eggs can cost up to 25K.  We have spent 16K with only $100 in drugs. This is made possible because our clinic fronts the cost of the IVF for their 70 donors and shares the costs with their patients.  This is because they need to build their bank in order for it to be successful as a frozen bank.

How we picked our donor.  When we received the password to the database we were only able to see baby pictures of the donor along with a profile and genetic history.  We were given a consult on what to look for and how to interpret results. We felt pretty confident we were going to find a good match but become frustrated pretty early on when out of 70 none had baby photos resembling me at all.  We were really only looking for a baby with dark hair/dark eyes. In the end we had some help from our IVF nurse who looked at some adult photos for us and found what we think was a great donor for us.

Now what?  I started the final protocol last week.  I'm on Lupron, Estrace, pre-natals, baby aspirin & my synthyriod.  I'll start progesterone on August 16th (I'm terrified to start the progesterone shots) and then we will have fertilization of the eggs on the 17th.  This is just so exciting to put in writing.  In just two weeks there will be embryo's growing just for us. Side note: there are six eggs that will be thawed and fertilized.  We are promised two high quality embryo's.  We have decided we will only implant 1 embryo.  This ensures we have at least two tries at this.  The way the frozen eggs work we pay one fee and get two embryos or perhaps up to 6.  Those not used right away will be frozen for later.  If later we decide we need more eggs and they are available there is a fee and we will transfer just as we do this month.

The two week wait. If we transfer August 22nd we will not know anything until September 5th.  Obviously, I'll be very forthcoming on my blog about the outcome because I'll need your support either way.  I won't be as forthcoming on facebook, I'll keep pretty quiet there for as long as possible.  This past year was very difficult for me and facebook made it that much harder.  I'm hoping not to make my pregnancy front page news.  It will be cherished with trusted friends and family until we are ready and sure this little embyro is staying with us.

I have told a few people this but maybe putting it here will also help me.  We have only told close family & friends about our decision to use a donor egg but I'm hopeful that the word donor will be left in the past once we are pregnant.  I say this now because the word is still hard for me. I still feel some sense of failure and I want to have a baby so bad but once I'm pregnant I just want to enjoy my pregnancy and our baby.  I don't want the donor cloud above our heads. I say this because I don't want to discuss the donor decision until Jeff and I decide it's time to start that discussion with our child.  I do worry about post-partum depression & baby blue  and how using a donor egg may effect that.  Will it be worse if i feel the baby doesn't look like me.  Will I feel weird when people say "he/she looks so much like you"  or even worse "The baby doesn't look like you, I see Jeff though!" YIKES.  How will that feel?  What do I say? I guess this is what you have 9 months to prepare for!   I realize this is not something i can control or change but it worth putting in writing to help me think about things.

Ok, I think thats the update. If I missed something you want to know more about please let me know.  If you've used a donor egg and have any advice please share.  If no one comments that ok too - I've been pretty lame lately!  xo

So here's to August 22nd.